YAY....

I got the job!!!!

I'm so happy.

Thanks Liza!!!


..........oh wait.......the pay sucks.........

oh well......

Yay anyway.

A Saleman

I told him that his challenge was the fact that I didn't want a car. See, I had the advantage I think. I could of walked out of his house of torture at any time. He was red and his hands were shaking. His techniques were not working.

"No thanks, I don't want to take the new car to lunch with me". "Your just offering so I'll come back and you won't lose the deal".

"Nope, I don't want to put $4000.00 down to", as he put it, "make the banks think I was serious".
$4000.00!!!! Where the hell did he come up with that number....Jesus, the car was only $13,999 and I had a trade in.

See, I wasn't serious. I didn't want the stupid car anyway. I could live without a car. Easy.

Yeah you.....

Curious George

Someone told me that the story of Curious George has racist undertones. I certainly never thought that. Not even once. I thought it was sad that the man in the yellow hat stole the monkey and took it to America. I thought that was really cruel and it always bothered me. But images of slavery?
It never crossed my mind.

Agony

Turning down a 10,000 dollar job (plus royalties) because you don't think you can work with the author and her husband on
their new book idea.

I think the stress gave me an auto-immune disease. Some kind of weird joint thing.

Vegetarian.....

That's what I told you earlier.

I told you that I couldn't eat meat for health reasons. What part of *I cannot digest it, it makes me sick* do you not understand.

The soup.

You said you made the soup for me. You said *It's vegetarian. I made it for you." It's potato soup.

But then 2 minutes later, you said "It only has a little bacon in it but I cooked it down so there were no oils left"

Hmmm...I'm not sure what that means, cooked it down. As if somehow that makes it a plant food.

How thoughtful of you.

No thanks. I'll just have the salad.

A Gypsy Tramp

There was a Gypsy Tramp at the party last night. I found her in the kitchen thrusting her breastful chest up against my man. Her purple, cracked lips were wide from side to side, nearly reaching each ear. She glared at me through narrow black slits and writhed when she realized that I had arrived to claim what was mine. She slithered backwards and out of the room.

Recycle

My neighbors are environmentally conscious. They have a can crushing device hanging on the back porch wall.

At the end of every day they methodically crush each of the 10 empty cans of soda pop that they've consumed that day.

5 for her, 5 for him.

I love the sound it makes.
Actually, there are two sounds. The *crush* and then the *clank*. The clanking comes when they throw the crushed can into the bucket. Crush, Clank, Crush, Clank.

Two sounds for each can.

10 cans, 20 sounds.

David

Scene:
Neighbor's backyard. 33 year old daughter (Laurie) *holding* 12' ladder that rageholic Father is standing on the very top of. Father cutting limbs off of tree with electric chainsaw. Children swinging close by.

Father suddenly yells loudly and furiously from the top of the ladder,
"God Dammit Laurie, what are you trying to do, knock me off the ladder"

Laurie entertains the idea in her head.

End scene

Galleries

I really hate going to galleries. Someone just gave me a heads up on a gallery opening.

Do people assume that because I'm an artist, I like looking at art. Or is it that they like looking at art so they think I must.

Actually, I think that most art in the galleries here sucks and it's very painful looking at it. It's like watching someone dancing really badly......it's excrutiating.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. Aren't I suppose to appreciate all art?....on some level?

Well, I don't. All I do is stand there staring and thinking that I have better ways of spending my time.

This feeling applies to listening to bands as well.

The Gate

When my *man at the moment* leaves the back gate, for a walk, he's all consumed with getting back. His steps are linear. Directed towards the end. Towards coming back. Any distractions or dilly dallying will not be tolerated.

When I leave the back gate for a walk, I have no intention of coming back. My steps are circular. Some short, some not so. I might go this way or that way. I might stop, sit down....or not. Dilly dallying is encouraged.

I prefer to walk alone.