A Poem

There once was a man with a knife
Who sliced off the head of his wife
He boiled it up
And had it for sup
And was full for the rest of his life.

My Dog

My dog is getting on my last nerve.

That's all.

Limping

I'm limping again. No, I didn't cut my foot. It's a mental limp. Caused by post thanksgiving arguments. Over where we will go next year. Can you believe it? Where we will go next year.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year. Right here in my own home. I cooked all day, relaxed and visited with family.
I don't want to go anywhere else for Thanksgiving next year. I'm going to stay home. Sorry everybody.

Happy Holidays

Spam

......Not the dead animal parts kind that comes in a funny shaped can.......I'm talking about email spam. I've noticed something interesting about it.
A month or two ago, I was getting the foulest porno spam. Then after a week or so of that, it switched to stock spam. Stock as in "Buy this stock, it will surely climb high". That went on for a week or more. Then came the pharmacy spam. Pills.....viagra, cialis, you know the stuff. So, that went on for a week or so. And now, today, suddenly, we are back to the foul porno spam....again......

I wonder how that happens.

hmmmm.............

Day 4

Today is day 4 of catch up on sketches for a 24 page comic book. I had the due date wrong........by 3 weeks.......not sure how that happened, but it did. Sketches due next tuesday. 8 more pages to go. My arm is so tired.

Bedwomb

I don't have a bedroom. I have a bedwomb.

Coconut Crusted Shrimp with Mango Salsa

Last night, we entertained guests. Our friend has a new girlfriend and he wanted us to meet her. (This is one of many that we've met.) Anyhow, I served the most beautiful delicious Coconut Crusted Shrimp with Mango Salsa. I also made Ceviche. It was beautiful on the plate.

Now, tell me, someone out there. Tell me, why would a person, just as you set the plate in front of her, with 6 huge gorgeous golden coconut shrimp and a spoon of the freshest mango salsa, why would she get up, go over to the appetizer table, get the bowl of hot sauce, ask me for a spoon, and then proceed to cover the whole meal in HOT SAUCE!!!!! This was BEFORE SHE TASTED IT!!!!!

I cannot comprehend this. Can someone tell me what was going on? I was mildly offended. I don't offend easily. But I thought that this was WEIRD!

Three friends

Tibetan Singing Toilet

A new thing is happening at our house.

When we flush our toilet, it chimes like a Tibetan singing bowl. It's very beautiful.

How lucky can you be?

Pink Earrings

Today, I'm going to wear these pink earrings.

Fat makes Love.

I've done a little bit of research and have found that women who are really skinny when they get older end up being really bitchy unhappy and critical.

And I think i know why. I think that Love comes from fat. Yep, Love is made by fat.

I think that you're better off going into old age with some fat on your body.

That way you can love on your grandkids. You'll love to cook good food. You'll love to laugh and tell stories.

The love will just come and come and come.

You'll be like a cotton candy machine spinning sugar into these multicolored clouds of love fuzzies.

Everyone will want to be around you because you'll smell like warm sugar. Everyone will want to eat you up.

This is true.

I promise.

Coconut Oil Conditioner and Black Mold

I found some coconut oil conditioner in the bathroom cabinet. I'm not sure where it came from but I vaguely remember Carlos buying some for his hair. I think that he thought it would make it spiky or something.

Anyhow, the jar said that it would soften your hair and condition it.
Hmmm......my hair looked pretty shitty today. Really dry too.
So what the heck. I put some on my hair. It smelled great. Like the beach. Like suntan oil.

I massaged it in like the directions said. It also said that after applying to stay away from open flames.

Wow, that's weird.

Anyhow, it was a bad idea. Putting the coconut oil on my hair.

I think it's for very very kinky hair.

I had to wash it out.

20 minutes wasted.

After that I ripped out the bathroom cabinet. The one under the sink.

Did you know that if you take the cabinet out from under the sink, that the sink will fall!

The sink is not actually attached to the wall. It is in fact resting on the cabinet. Wow.....shocker. (Dumb ass)

There was black mold behind everything.

I ripped out the mold infected wallboard and dollied the big heavy sink top out to the garage.

Now my sinuses hurt and I think it's possible that I have the deadly black mold in my lungs. Maybe some asbestos too. Who knows.

Oh well.

All Night Long.

I lay awake practically all of last night thinking about something. It was really stupid. I must have thought about it for hours. I kept telling myself to quit thinking about it. But my brain just kept on. Kept on thinking about it.

It wasn't even real.

It was something that I had made up!!! It was a fantasy!!! My brain was spinning and spinning and it came up with this whole series of events. What would I wear. How would I act. Would we do this or would we do that.

It was driving me crazy but I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was so insane. And I had no control. I could not stop it.

Does this make any sense?

Probably not.

I'm dreading going to bed tonight.

Stupid Fork Thing

Good things are no fun to write about. I like dumb things. They are much more interesting.

So, here ya go.

I was emptying the dishwasher and I dropped the big fork thing. You know, the big jabbing fork that if you cooked a big hunk of meat, you might use it to poke and prod it with. Or if you were going to grill, you might jab a big slab of steak and turn it over. Thats the fork i'm talking about.

Anyhow, I dropped it on the floor as I was emptying the dishwasher. I said, "Aw, I'll pick that up in a minute".

I forgot it was on the floor and ran into it with my foot. It stabbed my second toe. It made me bleed. It didn't hurt right away but eventually it did. I put a band-aid on it. Then i put on my slippers.

My dog got all excited because he saw me putting something on my feet. He came running over wagging his tail. He thought we were going for a walk. "No Scout. We're not going for a walk. These are slippers. I cut my foot" He got really really depressed and plodded off to his bed.

Now I'm limping around like a dumb ass.

Stupid fork thing.

Pearls

When I listen to Glenn Miller, I put on my pearls!

Father's Day

I think I did really good on my Father's Day gift this year. I know this because when i called my dad to wish him a happy father's day, he actually talked! He talked for at least 3 minutes. He was thrilled with the gift.

March of the Penguins. It was either that or Micro Cosmos DVD. Evidently I did good picking the penguin one. Because he just couldn't quit talking about it.

My dad does not talk on the phone. He never has. My dad doesn't really talk much off of the phone either. When i call, and he answers, I automatically think that my mom is in the hospital. That's how rare it is for him to pick up the phone. I try to get him to talk and he does for a second. He tells me about the weather, asks me how I am and then say's "Let me get your mother".

But it's okay. I'm use to it. That's just the way my dad is. I think everybody's dad has something weird going on.

The phone thing is actually only one of the weird things going on with my dad. But I don't feel like writing about it.

I'm glad he liked the penguin movie. His excitement wore off on me. I've queued it up in my Netflix.

Outside

I tried to be an outside person today.

I put on my overalls and my garden shoes. My hair, up in a pony tail and my head jammed into a red baseball cap. I looked like an outside person. I had good intentions.

My first idea was to stain the new arbor, on the side of the house. Green. Okay, I can do this. I got the can of stain, a new paintbrush and a stirring stick. I thought that shaking the can back and forth was sufficient but Carlos said that I really needed to stir it.

Staining the arbor meant that I had to climb a ladder. I had forgotten that part when I volunteered for the job. I hate ladders. But I somehow convinced myself that this ladder was safe, even though I knew deep down that no ladder is safe. They all have stickers on them showing men falling off. I had to stand on the next to the top step. It was a miracle that I didn't fall and kill myself.

If you've ever stood on a ladder and held a bucket of paint and a brush all at the same time, then you know what I'm talking about. It's hard. And I hated it. There was no way in hell that I was going to do this job.

I told Carlos that I didn't like the green stain and that I'd rather paint the top section turquoise. He, thinking that I was being sincere, agreed.

Whew. Got out of that job. I cleaned out the brush and put the stain away.

That whole project took about 15 minutes. And in those 15 minutes, I had been bitten by 4000 mosquitos, I was sweating como un puerco and beginning to itch. But, DAMMIT, I was going to stay outside. I was going to be an outside person today.

Next idea: I decided to cut back the grass around the front flower-bed thingy. How difficult could that be?

I got the shovel. Carlos "suggested" that I put on gloves, I waved him away. What? Does he think I don't know what I'm doing! I jabbed the shovel all around the bed, creating a sort of half circle thinking the whole time how it was going to be so pretty.

After having created a new clean anal edge with the shovel, I realized that I had to get down on the ground and start shaking the dirt out of the big clumps of grass and back into the garden. I could just throw the dirt away, along with the grass but I figured that that would get me some really bad karma.

After realizing that I did indeed need gloves, I got down on the ground to begin the surgery of separating dirt from grass.

Uh Oh. This isn't dirt. It's mud.

As it turned out that there would be no shaking off of the dirt. What I had were these big clumps of mud with grass on the top. What do gardeners do when this happens. I knew what to do. I threw the mud and grass clumps off to the side in the sun to dry. I leaned the shovel up against the fence and took off the gloves. "Nothing I can do here"!

This project took about 12 minutes.

I walked up to Carlos and asked him to look at me. "Do I look like I fit in out here"? "Do I look like an outside person"? "I have on overalls, garden shoes, a hat. My hair is in a ponytail. Why don't I feel like I fit in"?

"No" he said. "You don't look like you fit in. You should go in the house and do yoga or something".

"I hate it out here". That was all I could think of to say.

I chunked my shoes off in the garage, came in the house, stripped down and got in the shower.

I will never do that again. I hate it out there.

After this shower, I think I'll pluck my eyebrows, or I might work on a drawing, or bake a cake.

One thing for sure though, I absolutely will not try to be an outside person again.

It's not in my genes.

The Sullivans

Me and My Big Brother Joe 1976

Two Cats

Two Cats came to live at my house. I think they are fun to have. Last night, I couldn't find one of them. I looked everywhere. Under everything. In everything. I couldn't find him. I decided that he probably went out the doggie door and onto the screened in porch. But he wasn't on the porch. So I figured that he had somehow gotten out into the backyard. I got a flashlight and scouted out around the perimeter. No cat. I figured he was gone for good. How would I tell my daughter, who had entrusted the cats to me. How would I tell her that one of her cats got out and ran away and would probably never come back. I went to bed.

In the morning when I got up, there was the cat. Sitting in the living room meowing at me. How do cats do that. How do they disappear and then reappear like that. Maybe they are magic.

I was happy to see him.

Turtle Pee

On my walk this morning, a turtle peed on my foot. I know, you're wondering how that could happen. Well, I picked it up and it peed on me. It was stuck in this concrete area and couldn't get out. So, I lifted it up and moved back to the creek. On the way, it dumped at least a cupful of pee on my sandaled foot. It happened at the beginning of my walk. So I had to continue on with a pee soaked foot. All the time, wondering if turtle pee was toxic. When my foot started to tingle, I attributed it to my vivid imagination. What if the pee had gone into my pores. I'm sure it did. Was there turtle bacteria floating around in my veins. Has it been dispersed throughout my body. Do I have turtle DNA in me?

All in all, it was a beautiful walk. I saved a turtle. My dog got to play with his new friends Bonnie and Clyde. The pond was magnificent. And the turtle pee was not that bad in the end. My foot seems to be alright. I did take a shower when I got home though. And scrubbed my foot really good. I guess turtle pee is okay.

Crappy Day

I had a really crappy day today. Okay, I got all my work done but I had to go to the dentist and I had to shave my itchy dog. I did go for a bike ride and a walk.........
Carlos is leaving tomorrow. I wonder what I'll do. This blog has become a little annoying.....it's like having a membership to the gym. It's always calling you to get involved! Maybe it's just me. Maybe not.

Yes, it's another dumb picture of me.........so what? big deal..........I like to make faces.......

My kids use to try to get me to be normal. Just for 5 minutes. I never could!

Mom

No Thoughts

I have no thoughts to speak of.
There's nothing new to say.
I'm feeling rather empty.
At least I am today.

My eyes are all congested.
As are my nose and head.
My back is broke from digging
I think I'll go to bed.

The Evil Eye

It can change wedding dates.

The Tree

Down at the pond,
I leaned on a tree.
I leaned on a tree
and it leaned back on me.

Mr. Tree, I asked.
Are you tired today?
Would you like to sit down?
I'm sure it's okay.

A tree must get tired
standing year after year.
Put your roots up, take a break.
Come and sit down right here.

We can talk to each other.
You can tell me your name.
I will sing you a song.
I can teach you a game.

The tree straightened up
and shook it's leafy mane.
It cleared it's woody throat.
And then cleared it again.

A tree has a duty,
it sternly replied.
I cannot sit down.
Then it heaved a great sigh.

The birds need my branches
for their nests in the spring.
These flowers need shade.
And you need this swing.

Little green worms
and little brown bugs
have their homes in my bark.
Which the woodpecker loves.

My leaves sweep the air
and gather the dust.
I cannot sit down.
I'll stand tall. I must.

Hugging it tightly,
I looked up to say.
Thank you for standing
by this pond everyday.

Thank you for standing
so straight and so tall.
Your shade and your branches
mean so much to us all.

Now each day at the pond
when I lean on that tree.
I feel almost certain
that it leans back on me.

The Story

For six days now I've been obsessing over a story. I really hadn't planned on spending every waking hour on this. And then last night, I woke up and realized that I had taken the story in totally the wrong direction. It was difficult getting back to sleep after that revelation. But two droppers full of valerian took care of that.

This morning my brain is refusing to wake up. Could it be because the story that I thought was done last night, is, this morning, only halfway done? Who knows. Maybe today when I look at it, I'll change my mind.

I could step back from it for a couple of days but I'm afraid if I do that, I won't return to it. It's happened so many times. You loose steam or get frustrated, put it away, and there it sits, forever, in a folder on the desktop.

God, there must be some reason to live. I know! COFFEE!!!! Gods greatest gift to humans, next to eggs and orgasm.

Light

I've been getting these weird opportunities with light. The first one on Easter morning. The second one, today. I hope it's not some weird sign.

I met an artist

At a party last night I met an artist. He said he was a sculpture and a painter. The host introduced me to him
as an Illustrator. He laughed. He said he had done that for a while but hated it. I asked him what kind of work he had done.
He said he had done magazine covers, posters. I asked him what magazines. He studdered and hesitated. He looked at his wife and asked what was the name of that magazine. It was some trade magazine for a local gardening company. "Oh, and I did a lot of work for Southwest Airlines." I asked him if he would do illustration again if someone asked him to. He said not unless they paid me $10,000. I'm going to go to his studio and see what he does.

Everyone here in Austin likes to drop Keith Graves name when they find out you are an illustrator for children. Why does everyone know him but me.

That's going to change. This month.

Parties are a waste of my time.

Easter Morning

Dog

I think that I have never known
a dog as handsome as my own.

He wakes each day with eager feet.
He dreams each night of bones and meat.

A dog that begs at master's heel,
and lifts his paw to seal the deal.

A dog who that in summer takes
a swim in cool deep ponds and lakes.

The fleas they quaff his blood like wine.
Between his toes, the tics, they dine..

On humankind this dog relies,
for food and bed and cakes and pies.

Any fool can make a hog.
But only God can make a dog.

Mary Sullivan

Hair

Have you ever tried to go days without brushing your hair? I do it all the time. It's fun. You should try it.

No Fun

I peed in the dirt this weekend. I use to pee outside when I was little. I really liked it. It's not as exciting now though. There's too much to think about. Like, what if someone sees. Or what if I get stung by some ants. Then there's the problem of wiping. And the splashing. I hate when it splashes on your feet. Things are so much simpler when you're a child.

A Treasure Beyond Measure

The sunset from my backyard.

Treasures

Lettuce out of my garden. How lucky can a person be!

Treasures

Here is the treasure that I found on my walk today. I'm obsessed with looking at the ground for treasures.
I try to look up at the sky and trees but it only lasts for a moment. I worry that I may miss some really grand find, like this one that I found today!

Licorice

If you eat Licorice, you'll become a better person.
That's what I've heard.

Dear God,

I think you made a huge mistake when you made grackles.

Mary

Nori Seaweed Sheets

I like to eat them plain. Is that wrong?

No Title

My first day

I'm not sure why I'm doing this. Boredom I suppose. We'll see.